are you so shy because you have an std?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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