I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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