R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize