1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
