just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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