is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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