Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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