we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
