Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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