After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
