who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
