i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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