everyone is single if you try hard enough
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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