Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize