how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
