big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
