are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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