Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
