hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
