idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
