maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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