All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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