I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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