U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
