I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
