end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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