The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
