I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
