there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
