It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
