dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
