at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
