Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
