John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
