white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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