yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
