I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
