Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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