i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
