She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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