just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
