i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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