I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Will exercising make me less horny?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
