You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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