just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
