Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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