Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You are the jesus of drinking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
