so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
