cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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