Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize