dude i'm inner monologue high
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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