All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need to calm my uterus...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
