he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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