This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
