people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
