I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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