i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
