I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
