I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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