I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
