I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
