This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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