Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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