do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
