she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
