My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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