That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
