You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
