when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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