im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
