All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
