Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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