I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
