when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize