First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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