You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize