The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
