I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
