just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
