making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
