She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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