My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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