we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
