You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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