walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
