Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
