i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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