Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
