I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
