Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
