Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
