I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
as a side note pls kill me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
