also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
